Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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