covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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