I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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