wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
