Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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