ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
