there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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