Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
