Your mouth is God's brothel.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
