So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
