Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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