life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
