I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
