I think my fart just growled at me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
