You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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