People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
ttyl tear gas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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