I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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