whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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