I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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