a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
