a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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