Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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