I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
