um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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