I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As shirtless as possible
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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