Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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