I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it because I queefed?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
