so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
