It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
