My Higher Power is John Stamos
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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