Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
