I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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