My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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