Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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