remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
