areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
