The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
