What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
