I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
