"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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