anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
