He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
