Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
