Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
