Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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