your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
