I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
