dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
