you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
