being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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