just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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