i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
