we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
