and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
