I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
