i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize