i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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